The President of Turkey Recep Tayyip Erdogan received an unexpected show of support from the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria on the centennial of the massacres that killed an estimated 1.5 million Armenians.
“Your modesty about Turkey’s involvement is endearing. Your people have showed generations of young, insecure Jihadists everywhere that, with just a bit of stick-to-itiveness, it is in fact possible to obliterate crusader armies. The devil worshippers have been looking over their shoulders ever since the Ottoman Empire went apeshit in 1915. Thank you,” ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi wrote to Erdogan.
In response, the Turkish leader said during a television interview, “The Western world supports Armenian lies and sides with hatred. We continue to maintain that almost two-million Armenians perished as a result of a curiously undocumented 8.5 magnitude earthquake during World War I. Still, we are proud of our growing relationship with ISIS and look forward to meeting all the organization’s future ransom demands.”
In another sign of the strengthening ties between Ankara and ISIS, the militant group recently made the turkey club sandwich its official, mandatory meal. “Yes, Islam prohibits pork, which is why we use soy protein bacon strips. Allahu Akbar and Bon appetite, y’all! “The Islamic State’s Executive Chef Ramzi Ghannam said.